i hope this is not a mistake

bismillah..
okayy i write this post mere to satisfied myself..
i dont want to regret decisions i make all this long...
and i hope after i write it here,,i will feel much better..

hurmm actually now,so many things gone complicated to me...
i dont know why and i cant figure that out...
im getting confused about my thoughts...what am i going to be later on..
am i really really sure to take medicine as my full course..am i ready to become a doctor...
and most of all,,,who will pay for my studies??
before this,,i thought i can just rely on MARA to go to UK..
so i rejected two offers to russia...but now,,im thinking what if this and what is that...
that make me stress alot!

in addition i dont want to study in local...
not because malaysia is not good...
im just want to learn something different than others who mostly study in local...
i want to learn cope with problems by myself..then i think why should UK??
why not other country???

but what happen now is,,,,
i already refused to accept others offer so one thing left is MARA..
i have to do my very very best in order to fulfill my dreams to study out there..
and may ALLAH allow me to do that...

amiin~